Vulnerability is something that I have been focusing on a lot this past week. Not just in my acting, but in life as well. It's amazing to me how so many aspects of acting can be integrated into my daily life. For example, I now look at situations in life and find myself considering, "what is my objective in this situation and what is my obstacle? How can I project in this situation?" I guess there is a lot of acting going on in life in general. Well, being vulnerable is one of those aspects.
Something that was mentioned in class really hit me and made me stop and think. We were workshopping one of the performances of one of my classmates and we started discussing authenticity. It is often difficult to be authentic when you are trying to be someone else, but it is so important to find that. We were wondering how that could be discovered so readily and our instructor pointed out that when you release tension it goes to a place that is authentic and real. That is a very scary and vulnerable place to be.
Thinking about it, it is much the same with my singing. The whole point of voice instructors, are to help you get out of your own way and discover your true authentic singing voice by releasing tension in places that you don't need it. It is scary. It is scary to let yourself be seen and to allow others to see the rawness of you. It is so much easier to hide behind a persona and a mask. That way if a mistake is made then the blame is lifted off of you a bit. This is even easier to do in acting. You are not being yourself, right? Unfortunately, authenticity is essential to make a character believable. As Stanislavski beautifully put, "Acting is behaving truthfully under imaginary circumstances." That requires you to be truthful. That rawness of you needs to be shown in order to help the audience understand who you are portraying. As an actor, your job is to portray the human character and as a member of the human race, you are the best one for the job.
As I have mentioned, this type of vulnerability is scary and oftentimes difficult. Vulnerability often leads to self-consciousness, which has been said is "the actors greatest enemy." As we learned in the last workshop in class, the way to overcome self-consciousness is to do. "Being" is not something that can be forced. Authenticity automatically leaves when you are trying to force and emotion or a persona. In order to portray a certain emotion, projection needs to take place. Find an objective and focus on the "other." It is the same when we are having a bad day in our life and we focus on helping someone else's day to be better. As a result, our day will improve and our persona will improve without us having to consciously change it. That is what projection can do in life and in acting. That is the antidote to self-consciousness.
Monday, January 30, 2017
Acting 1- Delving into a monologue
After our first assignment, I began to fully realize my excitement for this class. I truly love performing so much and, despite my nervousness each time I have to share a bit of myself to be critiqued in front of everyone, I look forward to it every day.
For my first monologue, we were told to choose a piece that was contemporary-realism. I chose a piece from Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. I had never read the play before so I sat down one night and dove in. I read the script and then watched it on YouTube just for good measure. As much as I loved the story, I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to find a 1-2 min. monologue within it that really spoke to me. There were a few that were OK, but I wasn't overly excited about them. That is until I reached the last page. The very end of the show is a scene that made me cry just reading it. It was the most emotional part I could think of and I love doing emotion!
Performing my monologue in front of the class was nerve-racking but exciting at the same time. It seems a lot easier to be vulnerable as someone else than it is to be vulnerable as myself. However, after my performance, I had the opportunity to hear critique from my teacher and fellow classmates. This is always the difficult part of performing. What if they didn't like it? What if my choices weren't strong enough or good enough? However, I know that these fears are normal. It's not easy to get up in front of people and know that you are going to be judged. As a music major and a performer, I know this feeling well and it is not easy to conquer. Something we talked about in class addressed this concern. We talked about how it was important to know that you are your greatest critic and that you need to set the stakes and improve on your own terms. Other people don't know you. they don't know the struggle that you have gone through and the improvement you have made. They are only comparing what they saw of your performance with what they have seen in the past or what they perceive as excellence. It is important to learn what is constructive criticism and what is destructive. No matter what, you always judge each performance with how you felt you did and how you personally improved.
For my first monologue, we were told to choose a piece that was contemporary-realism. I chose a piece from Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. I had never read the play before so I sat down one night and dove in. I read the script and then watched it on YouTube just for good measure. As much as I loved the story, I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to find a 1-2 min. monologue within it that really spoke to me. There were a few that were OK, but I wasn't overly excited about them. That is until I reached the last page. The very end of the show is a scene that made me cry just reading it. It was the most emotional part I could think of and I love doing emotion!
Performing my monologue in front of the class was nerve-racking but exciting at the same time. It seems a lot easier to be vulnerable as someone else than it is to be vulnerable as myself. However, after my performance, I had the opportunity to hear critique from my teacher and fellow classmates. This is always the difficult part of performing. What if they didn't like it? What if my choices weren't strong enough or good enough? However, I know that these fears are normal. It's not easy to get up in front of people and know that you are going to be judged. As a music major and a performer, I know this feeling well and it is not easy to conquer. Something we talked about in class addressed this concern. We talked about how it was important to know that you are your greatest critic and that you need to set the stakes and improve on your own terms. Other people don't know you. they don't know the struggle that you have gone through and the improvement you have made. They are only comparing what they saw of your performance with what they have seen in the past or what they perceive as excellence. It is important to learn what is constructive criticism and what is destructive. No matter what, you always judge each performance with how you felt you did and how you personally improved.
Monday, January 23, 2017
Acting 1- Personal Monologues
Ever since I was a little girl, acting has been a part of me. I have always been considered the dramatic one of the family, and it wasn't always said in a positive manner. The fact was, I loved being dramatic. I loved entertaining, analyzing, and pretending. All parts of the acting world. Now, although I watched plenty of movies and movie musicals, I was never exposed to much live acting. Until my Sophmore year in High School when I had the opportunity to see Wicked in California. That event was the start of my obsession. What I didn't realize then was how much the world of theater and acting would help me learn and mold me into who I am today.
Needless to say, being in an acting class is something that I have wanted to do since I was little. Finally, in my final semester at school, I get to experience this joy. I have learned so much all ready! The first assignment we had in this class was to write a monologue about a life experience. I kicked around a lot of different ideas at first. Did I want to go deep, be funny, be serious, or creative? Then it hit me. something I hadn't thought about in years. I remembered the first time I ever performed in front of someone. My first piano recital. The feelings of nervousness, inadequacy, and downright terror, all came back to me in a rush. I remembered how, even though I was feeling all this, I had refused to let it show. I was determined to make it through and did all I could to save face in the moment. My nerves did there job and I forgot where middle C was. I remember freaking out inside but playing the song on a different set of notes, taking my final bow and sitting down. I was so embarrassed, but I didn't dare share it! I believe that is when I first became an actor. What a perfect story for my monologue!
Performing the monologue, I had a few of the same feelings that I had had all those years ago during my first recital. Because of this, it wasn't very difficult to play the part. It was, however, quite interesting to see and hear the different stories that everyone else came up with and the different styles of acting that were portrayed. Everyone seemed to have their own ideas as well about what is more or less difficult. Some said that it was easier to memorize a piece you wrote because you could put it however you felt. Others felt the opposite because it is a story that could be told many different ways and it is difficult to say it the same exact way every time. I think I agree with the second group. There were a few parts that I ended up telling slightly differently in my final performance. I had practiced so many times that this realization was a bit discouraging. However, I think that the way I wrote it was the way that I should have portrayed it in the final product. I had written and re-written the script so many times that I am disappointed that I was unable to perform it as I had prepared. This exercise has helped me to appreciate the pains that each playwright goes through to express their story in the exact way, with the exact feelings that they wish to portray. This is why it is so important to stay true to the wording of the script.
Needless to say, being in an acting class is something that I have wanted to do since I was little. Finally, in my final semester at school, I get to experience this joy. I have learned so much all ready! The first assignment we had in this class was to write a monologue about a life experience. I kicked around a lot of different ideas at first. Did I want to go deep, be funny, be serious, or creative? Then it hit me. something I hadn't thought about in years. I remembered the first time I ever performed in front of someone. My first piano recital. The feelings of nervousness, inadequacy, and downright terror, all came back to me in a rush. I remembered how, even though I was feeling all this, I had refused to let it show. I was determined to make it through and did all I could to save face in the moment. My nerves did there job and I forgot where middle C was. I remember freaking out inside but playing the song on a different set of notes, taking my final bow and sitting down. I was so embarrassed, but I didn't dare share it! I believe that is when I first became an actor. What a perfect story for my monologue!
Performing the monologue, I had a few of the same feelings that I had had all those years ago during my first recital. Because of this, it wasn't very difficult to play the part. It was, however, quite interesting to see and hear the different stories that everyone else came up with and the different styles of acting that were portrayed. Everyone seemed to have their own ideas as well about what is more or less difficult. Some said that it was easier to memorize a piece you wrote because you could put it however you felt. Others felt the opposite because it is a story that could be told many different ways and it is difficult to say it the same exact way every time. I think I agree with the second group. There were a few parts that I ended up telling slightly differently in my final performance. I had practiced so many times that this realization was a bit discouraging. However, I think that the way I wrote it was the way that I should have portrayed it in the final product. I had written and re-written the script so many times that I am disappointed that I was unable to perform it as I had prepared. This exercise has helped me to appreciate the pains that each playwright goes through to express their story in the exact way, with the exact feelings that they wish to portray. This is why it is so important to stay true to the wording of the script.
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